I am what I don't want to be
by Pearlislove
Summary: Amethyst never wanted to be Steven's mother; yet in the end she was the first one to embrace her new label
**A/N: Part 3 guys! Now, we've gotten all the crystal gems, both Garnet, Pearl AND Amethyt….so, what's next? Well, for one i got another SU project that's multi chapter and a personal favourite, and then I am also planning on continuing this series with Steven and Vidalia's POV**

 **Big thanks to ever so lovely Lady Shadow92, you're absolutely amazing wih your kind words and realistic, constructive feedback!**

I'm not Steven's mother, and I'll never be. Garnet and Greg know that, Pearl hate that and refuse to accept the fact.

But screw that bird, she can be the mother-hen all she wants, as long as she doesn't intend to stick the label on anyone else. To be honest I wouldn't say she has the _right_ to stick the 'mom' label on anyone else, seeing as it took her three years in Steven's life to finally come around.

Though those three years is most likely the reason she want to stick a 'Mom' label on me than anything else, because at some point long ago I chose to stick it on myself when I felt that no one else would. Pearl refused to be around Greg, Garnet had to stay on suicide watch for Pearl and the times she _was_ around, she'd do nothing but _watch._ She simply sat there, quiet and stoic like a seven feet tall statue and _watched_ , never asking if she could help or offering to help.

So, me and Greg continued to make it by best we could...but the facts was, none of us was real parent material. I was far too young for such a responsibility, only a few thousand years of age and practically not much more of an adult than a _human child_ , and Greg didn't find out he'd be doing the job on his own until Rose was nine months pregnant and even bigger than usual and everything was _too late_ to do anything about either way.

So there we was in the end, a man barely capable of taking care of himself and a terrified child, sentenced with taking care of a fragile little human life that they both know was far too easy to break. But we didn't break it, because I may been small and terrified but I was still smart enough to see when both of us couldn't stretch further,when our abilities simply weren't and wouldn't be enough.

So I brought in Vidalia. Vidalia was my best friend, and through it all, even though it became harder to do for her when she had to look after her own son Sour Cream too, she took care of Steven. She helped feed him and look after him and raise him whenever me and Greg fell flat, being oh so valuable and irreplaceable during those first three years.

I heard it was at Vidalia's place Garnet held Steven the first time. To later hear, that Vidalia had given Steven to Garnet because she needed her hands free to do stuff one night, it made me _terrified_. Of course, Vidalia didn't understand what she had done wrong, didn't know why it was such a big deal. After all, how could she know? She'd never seen Garnet in action on the _battlefield_. Never seen those giant hands, grinding gems in dust as if they'd be made of the glimmering pulver to begin with. I wouldn't let Garnet turn Steven into a little pile like that. _Ever._

So we kept Steven away from her, and Pearl to, for that part. We didn't trust Pearl, not when we knew every time she came around, she did it because Garnet had sternly told her to and no other reason at all. What if she tried to hurt Steven to get Rose back? Or just because she felt like it? Garnet told me Pearl had grown more stable but I didn't believe her. All I did was hate her and fear for Steven (and Greg, who still got Pearl's best death glare every time she came around) whenever She was around.

Then, Steven turned three years old. He turned three years old and he came running home after having spending the day with his dad at the carwash and he apparently he had something Awesome to show us, so he called out for his _mommy_. Steven had _never_ called any of us mommy before, and was only after an awkward, shameful explanation that we were all able to catch on to his thoughts and find out he had meant _me_ , _Amethyst._ Out of everyone in the whole wide world he could have decided to call _mommy_ , he chose _me_ (personally I would have guessed that it'd be Vidalia), and it freaked me out more than any corrupted gem ever could

Because suddenly I had a label, a responsibility, which I had never meant to take upon me in the first place. I didn't want to be a mother, I wasn't old enough or disciplined enough for that. The only real reason I actually did it, was because Pearl wouldn't and Garnet didn't seem like she wanted to, either.

(But you still remember that time you walked in on Garnet playing with Steven, regretting how you immediately reacted by asking for Garnet to hand the baby over to you. Maybe the responsibility of a mother had been more of a choice for you, than it could ever have been for Garnet)

But either way, it soon turned out that the label of being a mother was not a responsibility you had to worry about. From that day, half a year past, and then Steven called someone else in your household mother: Pearl. Hearing you being called mother seemed to have turned on a switch and suddenly Pearl was there and helping all the way, and together you did a much better job than you'd ever done alone (and excluded Garnet was something you did too, because Pearl wasn't keen to let her big, rough hands close either. Probably because she had seen them work in battle far longer than you).

So, in the end, you stood there. A girl who never wished to be a mother figure, but became one anyway.


End file.
